You would be forgiven for not remembering me as I actually did not graduate with the Livingston High School class of 1977. As the result of a botched separation (my parents), I left LHS in the middle of my junior year and moved to West Orange where I completed my high school degree from West Orange High School. I am still working on forgiveness.
Initially, I didn’t really mind the move as it represented a new dating pool of boys coinciding with my skin clearing up which made getting a boyfriend much easier. At least that was my rationale at the time. I did make some new friends while keeping many of my old friends from Livingston. Seeing those friends became much easier as we now had our driving licenses. After just a year and a half of living in West Orange, I was thrilled to leave home and head to college. I attended Douglass, the women’s college of Rutgers University, and graduated in 1981.
I loved learning in college, taking classes in everything that interested me, yet had no real clue what to commit myself to as a major that would land me a good job. Eventually I settled on Sociology (not very useful) and a bunch of certificates and minors (also not useful). My most consequential degree was my Mrs., as many of the girls referred to it, when I married my college sweetheart, Peter, just two months after I graduated. Who would have thought it would be so easy to meet your future husband while attending an all-girls school? Seems the boys liked taking classes where girls outnumbered boys by a lot.
After graduation and marriage, I got my first job as an editorial assistant which was the entry level job in book publishing at the time. After a year, I transitioned to becoming a book publicist. I worked full time for five years before I gave birth to my first daughter. I intended to quit my job after my maternity leave, but my mother shamed me into returning as she told me I was going to make it worse for women in the workplace if I just dropped out after having a baby. I had no idea she was a feminist. I settled for working part time and also doing some freelance work from home. I stopped altogether once my second daughter was born two years later. Four years after that, I had my third daughter. I was a “trad” wife, as they say in the modern vernacular.
The decision to stop working was an easy one as publishing at that time was a very low paying industry, so no big loss to our way of life. My husband’s career was on the rise so it fell to him to shoulder all the responsibility of providing for our family. We lived in a small house in River Edge, New Jersey when my husband, who worked for American Express, got a wonderful opportunity to become the International Treasurer and work and live in England. I highly recommend corporate welfare. They paid for our move, rented us a beautiful house in the countryside, and sent all three of my kids to private school, while also providing us with cars and extra cash every month in our bank account. We also got to travel to beautiful places throughout Europe, and weekends were spent exploring castles and cathedrals which honestly made my kids miserable after about the first three. Then after just two years, the unthinkable happened. My husband got promoted and we had to return to the US. He said that I am the only person who would be unhappy about her husband getting a promotion. He was partially right.
After the dreaded call came, we had a week to find a new house. Our original plan, or at least mine, was to move to NYC when our awesome adventure ended, but with so little time to find a place to live, it became clear that we were not ready for this big leap. We ended up in Oradell, New Jersey where my kids would at least get to meet up with their old friends at the regional middle and high schools. After having my kids attend three elementary schools, I thought that was a fair thing to do.
When my youngest daughter was in the second grade, I decided to reenter the workforce in some capacity. I got a part-time job with our local public library which was perfect since it was across the street from the elementary school. This was meant to be a stepping stone to eventually getting a real job. Twenty-five years later, I find myself still there. It’s amazing how comfortable you can become. I like the flexibility such a job gives me and I liken it to working at “Cheers” where everyone knows your name, minus the booze. I feel like I am always meeting up with friends when I’m there and I get a kick out of people recognizing me out in the wild as the “library lady”. I also love being around books. You find some very interesting things to read you may never have picked up otherwise. Feel free to ask me anything about Imperialist Russia, the art of Swedish death cleaning, or which Sinclair Lewis novel is the best (“Main Street).
My husband retired 10 years ago at the age of 58. He said that it was no longer about the money but about time, which was very poignant for me. He wanted to be able to do the things he really wanted to do, which in his case was riding his bicycle around the country and the world. It was scary for me at first, but the hard part of putting three girls through college and paying for weddings was over and it was our time. That’s not to say it was an easy adjustment for me. Now I had to share the house during the daytime hours. I’ve often thought of retiring from my job, but I’m holding on because, well, sometimes you just need to get out of the house. Eventually we did get that apartment in New York City about 20 years ago. I like to say I’m bi-coastal — on either side of the Hudson River. Though my apartment is only 20 minutes away from my house without traffic, it might as well be a world away. Two of my daughters and 5 of my grandkids live in Brooklyn so it makes it easier for me to see them. My other daughter lives in Salt Lake City with three of my grandkids. I’m fortunate to be able to fly to see them several times a year. Daughter number three in Brooklyn is moving to Australia (!!!) next year where her husband grew up taking her two beautiful children with her. She says it will only be for a few years, but I know better. I thought I was doing a good thing encouraging them to be independent, but now I question the wisdom of that decision. (Whatever happened to that umbilical cord?) It’s very difficult to get the whole family together, especially as my grandkids are getting older and starting to have lives of their own. We love to travel and do so frequently, but as the years go by, I imagine flying to Australia in a tin can for 22 hours will become much more difficult. Ugh.
I’ve had a very fortunate life that’s had its share of trials, but on the whole I wouldn’t have changed a thing except maybe that West Orange boyfriend. I may not have had a high-powered career or left a big mark on the world, but I did put three very accomplished women into the universe who all have amazing careers and husbands and gave me eight of the most beautiful gifts anyone could ever ask for. As for that forgiveness I was trying to find for my parents moving me away from everything I knew from infancy, I’m still working on it! But the miracle of Facebook really helped me to heal as I was able to reconnect with old friends from Livingston. You have to understand that prior to Barbara Farry Flynn reaching out to me and inviting me to a class reunion, I felt like I did not have a past. I had never been invited to a class reunion from either Livingston or West Orange High. I felt like a forgotten person even though I still was in touch with old friends from childhood. Being so graciously included in this group — thank you, Michael — has been the best salve for that hole I had in my soul for so long.
Last year, I went with my daughter and granddaughter to a store in Livingston to buy her camp gear. I can’t tell you the thrill I had taking them on a tour of my childhood: back to Canterbury Road to see the house I grew up in, back to Burnet Hill, that sweet little elementary school, off to Heritage Jr. High, where I still wonder what took place on that hill across from the school, back to LHS which still has the prettiest campus, and finally lunch at Seymour’s. It was a great day.
Thank you, Barbara. You’ll never know how much your reaching out has meant to me!!
